Coveting and a Father's Blessing

I just had one of those moments with my child last night that I wish every parent could have...

I picked up my daughters from AWANA last night and they both were very excited to tell me about their accomplishments. Megan was getting close to completing her work and her teacher was there explaining the tremendous job she'd done all year and sharing with me the reward she was preparing for her and another girl for all the hard work they had done on their AWANA project.

Meredith also was excited to tell me that she had finished her book (a major accomplishment as well), but she was overshadowed by the conversation I was having with Megan and her teacher about Megan's accomplishment. We stopped by DQ on the way home to celebrate their work.

When we got home, (PJ's on and teeth brushed), we gathered in Megan's room for nightly prayer time. Again, the girls shared their accomplishments with Jennifer (who had been home sick all evening), talking "mostly" about Megan's reward (getting to go to the Mills Mall in St. Louis with her AWANA leader to shop and spend the day). We prayed, thanking God for the day and for the hard work the girls had done.

After kisses, I could see that Meredith was having a hard time with something, but when I asked her about it, she just said "I don't want to tell you, 'cause it's just bad". I assumed it was because Megan was getting something that she wasn't, and when I pressed her on it, I was correct - she thought that Megan got everything and she got nothing.

Now, before I go on, I need to fill you in on where God's been taking ME lately. You see, for the past few months, I have been meeting with several men from my church and others, working through the Men's Fraternity materials. It has been a learning experience for me, pointing me to areas of my life that I need to improve as a father and a husband.

One of the things that God has been dealing with me about has been my tendency to be passive as a dad. I know that I spend time with the girls and am actively involved in their lives, but I do have a tendency to put on Jennifer the "hard work" of raising girls - after all, she's a woman and can handle it better than me. But, Jennifer tends to wind up being the "heavy": making chore charts, making them do homework and practice the oboe, etc. I'm pretty hands off when it comes to holding them accountable for things they need to be doing. So, Jennifer comes off as being the "bad" parent and I come out being the "fun" parent...not a good thing...

So, back to our story...Meredith is having this pity party about not getting what her sister gets, and like a typical male, I start to point out her selfishness and covetous attitude. I explain to her, like any father would, that she has so much to be thankful for and doesn't need to wishing she had more. I also explain, in my analysis of the situation, that Megan is older and she naturally will get to do more than her. Satisfied with my response, I head downstairs to bed...to the sounds of sniffling and crying...

I arrive at my bedroom and continue to hear the crying. Now, I'm frustrated with her. So my next thought is "Jennifer, you need to go upstairs and console YOUR child! I'm done with her!" But, then I'm reminded of my passivity...dang it! So, I head upstairs, imagining what Jennifer would do with her. I lay down on the bed and immediately Meredith covers her head. She knows what's coming and she's afraid of what I'm going to say next. She knows that she's wrong in her feelings, and she just expects me to continue the conversation from before. But, I'm up here with a different agenda.

We begin to talk about her feelings; why she feels this way, and why things are the way they are (she reminds me of Abraham Lincoln's quote that "all men are created EQUAL" and that she's sure Abraham was talking about girls begin equal too - which almost makes me burst out laughing!!). But, all in all, we had a good talk. We talked about all the blessings in her life, all the things she has (and how so many people don't have nearly the things we have), we talk about the things she gets that Megan doesn't and that one of the best ways to help someone overcome the feelings of wanting something someone else has is to simply look around at all the things WE have and thank God for giving us those things. It was a special moment. I left, exhausted, but feeling like I had done and said the right thing.

Back to bed...

5 minutes later, I hear walking around above me. Grrrr....she's out of bed again...the stern father begins to resurface. Another 5 minutes...she comes barging into my bedroom, walked to my side of the bed, throws a Post-It note at me and quickly exits my bedroom, hoping to not get into trouble for being out of bed still. Jennifer looks at me with a "What's that all about?" look on her face. I turn on the light to read the Post-It note, and here is what it says (with no grammatical corrections made):

"I all ready have every thing I nead. Is you. (two smiley faces)"

Thank you, heavenly Father, for the blessings in MY life!