There. I said it.
Yeah, yeah, I know that discipline is a good thing; it's biblical after all. I know that it shapes us, and I'm thankful for the discipline that I received as a child. I know that the Bible talks about how no discipline is pleasant, but that particular passage is really talking about the recipient. You just gotta know that doling out the discipline is no cakewalk for the one doing the doling, either!
Recently, discipline had to be instigated in our home. When the words hit my mouth "You're grounded", my stomach sank a bit. The long face, the tears, the leaving the room with head low and door shut just made it that much worse. My first thought was "You were too harsh." Then, I began to think about the circumstances surrounding the infraction. We've recently moved to a new ministry, a new town and a new temporary dwelling. But, we've also moved to new schools, new friends and new surroundings. That's a lot for a kid to take in and deal with! "Way to go, Grant. You probably sent your child into a deeper despair and she'll be scarred for life, slipping into a life of drugs, alcohol and promiscuity."
A little extreme? Probably.
But, so go the musings of a father who loves his kids and wants the world for them...
Knowing that I had made the right decision in disciplining her, I just couldn't leave it like that. So, I entered the bedroom to discuss the situation. I shared with her my feelings about discipline ("I hate disciplining you."), I empathized with her ("I know it's a rough time for you right now."), I reminded her of the command to obey her parents and I loved on her as much as she would let me. I had to help her understand that as much as it hurt to discipline her, she needed to understand the importance of obeying her parents - a law that God established for us in order to provide for us and protect us. But, I also wanted her to know the pain I felt in her discipline and the heartbreak I felt in knowing that this was going to affect our fellowship together for a while.
Even this morning, on the way to school, I was concerned for her spirit. I wanted her to know that things between us are ok, even in the midst of the discipline. I found myself wanting to fudge a little on the discipline, but quickly reminded myself of the need to be a responsible father and follow through.
I share all this because in my feelings throughout this whole ordeal, I so desperately want God to treat me the same way in my own disciplining. I believe that all the thoughts that I experienced last night in this altercation are thoughts that God has for us. When God is strictly a judge, discipline is doled out, and we are left on our own with the consequences. We go to our room, separated from Him and sulk in our pain, wondering where things stand now. When God is strictly Love, we are left to continue in our sin and never experience any depth in our relationship with Him or mature in our spiritual walk. I wanted my daughter to experience all that I was feeling because I so desired my heavenly Father to treat me in the same way.
I need a God who will discipline me. I need Him to call me out and allow me to experience the pain of my consequences. But, I also need to feel the pain of His heart when discipline comes. I need Him to hold me, affirm me, empathize with me and treat me tenderly in the midst of the pain of discipline. I can't help but think that this feeling I feel as an earthly father is vindicative of our heavenly Father and His thoughts toward us.
When I know that my heavenly Father, who I can't really see or hear verbally, is speaking to me through my actions as an earthly father, I can rest in the peace of that thought.
May we, as earthly fathers, recognize the tremendously important role we play, and how our families are watching us in hopes that we model for them the empathetic God we serve...even when He has to discipline us and allow us to face the consequences of our disobedience.
